Not really day 1. Seems as if I have made this attempt several times over. Was all that work before a waste of time? Did I have it all wrong? Does any of that count?
Yes it mattered! Yes it counts! This is just a deeper level. The work before was part of the path to get me where I am today.
You see, in my journey of change, I have learned that even the small steps still get me to my destination. Every thing I do towards being a better version of myself matters. It has all led me to where I am today. It is all important, and it all matters.
However, I’m not going to lie. I truly hope this is the final destination to finding my place of healing. It’s been a desire of mine for several years.
I also know myself well enough to know that I jump in both feet, and that I also jump out, just as quickly. If things don’t go perfectly, I throw it all the door. Perfectionism is one of my problems…it comes from always wanting to be liked and accepted…
Mindfulness, however, isn’t something that is fully mastered. It is a journey within itself.
So with that, I am happy to report, that todays class was really cool. I got up, like a kid on the first day of school, had some coffee, a little God time, and then went to log in for my 6am class. Only it wasn’t connecting. OMG – I knew it! Nothing ever goes accordingly….yada yada yada. Old tapes, over and over.
As soon as I pushed stop to those old tapes I was logged in.
But your late. It’s 6:02. You can’t just jump in. Yes- all that from 2 minutes, lol
Oh yes I can! And yes I did!
I learned that I don’t know what a Breath of Fire is. I also learned that everything Zoom isn’t bad. There was a sense of comfort knowing no-one could see me. You know, for the side of me that thinks everyone is looking at me, lol.
Most importantly, I felt in the right place. I felt compassion for myself and an eagerness to be a better version of myself.
In my preparation for this journey, I spent some time creating my “spot’ and hung up some pictures that reminded me of happy times, and also as a reminder of my goals.
One of those pics is of me and my two daughters.
As I held my hands over my heart giving myself compassion, I glanced at that picture. I began to cry. My thought…I want to be a better mom to you two. I want to be what you need.
Shortly after speaking those words, the victim in me wanted to chime in – but I put that victim back in her place and said “NO” – I WILL BE EVERYTHING YOU NEED, AND MORE!
Positive thinking. Staying hopeful. Trusting the process. -A healthy mind is a peaceful mind, and being a victim is not healthy.
The class ended with this quote; The healer you have been looking for is your own courage to know and love yourself completely. -Yung Pueblo
This may be the end of Day 1’s class- but the beginning to a new morning and opportunity.
Ra Ma Da Saa Saa Say So Hung…hopefuly I got the right. And even if I didn’t, it was right for me.
Till tomorrow…
